How to raise a secure and happy child

6 useful phrases for every parent:

“Don’t walk around barefoot in the yard! You’ll get ringworm and die.”

“You fell off the jungle gym and landed on your head, and now your head is bleeding? I guess we’ll go to the ER. Don’t sit on the couch!”

“It’s nice to see you too, Maggie, but right now I need a drink. You can fix your own dinner.”*

“Yes, I know she’s drawing on her walls with blood. She just wants attention.”

“After consulting Dr. Internet about your sleep meds, it turns out they might have caused your hallucinations. Your father flushed them down the toilet.”**

“You haven’t felt well enough to eat breakfast all week. Are you fucking pregnant?”***

Bonus phrase for when your child is small and lonely:

“That older man who hangs out alone with you on the playground has started telling you dirty jokes and wants you to come to his house? Seems legit.”****

 


 

*Sure can! But because I’m 7 it’s going to be a cold hotdog and carrot sticks. Mmm, well-balanced diet.

**This might have been the right call, but I dunno, maybe talk to a real medical professional first?

***No. But thanks for the compassion.

****Luckily, my Uncle wasn’t a fucking moron and told me that this dude’s behavior was shady and that I should stay away from him and definitely never go to his house. I keep meaning to thank him for that, but how do you even have that conversation?

 

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3 thoughts on “How to raise a secure and happy child

  1. Oh sweetie. You and I have similar crazinesses.

    This is what I’ve learned: Tell it. Tell it with your eyes open to its effect. In conversation, or in song, theater, humor, writing, or any combination. But tell it. Tell it calmly, if you can, without apology; you have nothing to be apologetic about. (And what a brilliant thing to do: This blog.)

    Most won’t respond in a significant way. That’s alright. They don’t know how. Many will rebuke you. “Why would you bring up something that happened so long ago?” they’ll demand. “Why are you stuck in the past?” “What’s wrong with you?” “Why can’t you just let go? – get over it? – move on? – etc., etc.
    I’ve come to see that such “advice” is a knee-jerk, self-preservation reaction. Your wound threatens their peace. Damn you. “Why won’t you just HEAL?”

    Then there are the ones who hear you. Who hold your gaze as they listen, calmly. They laugh with you as easily as they cry with you, without judgement. You are validated, and that is when healing can begin.

    I see you, Maggiemorphosis. I hear you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. One of the people quoted in this post likes to say to me, “I never look back, I don’t want to know what’s gaining on me.”
      You know, they probably don’t want to know, because stuff like this is what’s gaining on them.
      Even though I didn’t do these things to myself. Even though I ended up a fairly well-adjusted, even happy, person, it’s easy to feel like this is all stuff I have to hide. Or be ashamed of.
      Thank you, Mark. I see you, and I hear you too.

      Like

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