A Kind of Love

A Kind of Love

It used to be

That I’d look in the mirror

And see a monster.

The fat,

The scars,

The bumps,

The marks;

A reflection of the ugliness inside.

 

Now I see with new eyes.

I watch myself move

See the way my pecs

Accentuate my breast

As I lift my arm,

My ribs and abs

Make beautiful shadows

On my skin.

I look in the mirror

And see strength

I see courage

And battle scars.

I see a warrior.


I was planning to post a different poem, but this one came at my like a freight train this morning so I decided it was meant to get out into the world as soon as possible.

I’ve had pretty severe body dysmorphia for most of my life; I am a small person, but when I look in the mirror I see someone fat. It’s just what my brain does. It sucks, and I don’t like to talk about it in the real world because I know that I get a lot of social approval from being thin that is denied to my sisters and brothers who are actually fat.

I’m really trying to see past all that when I look in the mirror these days. I’m not looking for beauty, but for strength. For the stronger muscles I’ve been working so hard to make. I’m growing to love my body’s reflection, but it’s a slow process.

 

 

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