The things I didn’t do
I didn’t coat my life in gasoline
And strike a match
To fly into the first beautiful cage I found
And waste my voice on someone else.
I didn’t find the courage to speak MY truth
And put it out into the world
To silence myself for your comfort
And move MY body to your tune.
I didn’t trade my love for freedom
And walk the lonely road
To settle down in something that takes my soul piece by piece
Instead of demanding the whole upfront.
These are all things I didn’t do
Choices I didn’t make.
I won’t be a fool for you.
Surprise! I’m still alive and well. Well, alive at any rate.
I survived the Hurricane, I survived the aftermath. I hung on by my fingernails for most of it. I lost my voice (literally and figuratively). Now I’ve got my fists in the cliff and I’m about ready to climb.
If you had told me where I’d be now a year ago, I would have laughed in your face. And probably died a little inside too.
What I can say from the other side is this: After you’ve said the big NO to something, it’s hard to start saying yes again. Keep at it. Keep saying yes. Keep being unafraid to look around, asking yourself, “Now what?” and answering it with, Who the fuck knows? Just try everything until something feels right.
Love, love, love,