Priorities

No longer

Can I be the woman

who sits at home and waits.

Slowly turning into a skeleton

as my ambitions waste away.

Waiting for you.

I am more than bone.

I am blood and fire

And flesh.

I promise you this:

I won’t forget that fact again.

 

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Opus 2017 (A Love Letter)

I cannot in good conscience leave this poem above the cut. It gives the most in-depth account I have ever shared about my final suicide attempt. While I (obviously) chose not to go through with it, it was a very close call. If you’re feeling hopeless, please call for help. Here is the number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255. Please call them. Please stay with us. Now, my final poem of 2017: Continue reading

Emergence

Emerging,

they call me.

It’s a nice word,

tidy.

It elides right over the chaos

depression made of my life.

Makes the electric shitshow

of  coping mechanisms

and bad decisions

Sound like a beautiful transformation.

Emerging.

I am a fucking butterfly

and all those tears I shed

over men and heartbreak

were my liquid chrysalis.

And not a mental health crisis.

Emerging.

Emerging from the darkness.

Emerging into the light.

Never Look Back

They never look back.

Men.

Have you noticed?

Once you’ve said goodbye

they look forward.

Away.

It’s that hunter’s gaze they all claim to have.

As if, once you’re out of direct view,

they’ve forgotten you ever were.

There.

How do I know this?

I always look back.

Hoping I’ve finally found another person who wishes our connection could last.

Just a little longer.

This isn’t my fight

This isn’t my fight

My body has become a battlefield.

Do not wage YOUR war in my flesh.

I welcomed you in with open arms

(and legs).

Why did you only bring your rage with you?

I am not her.

She is not all women.

It’s my fault for not building a stronger fortress.

Question and Answer

Question and Answer

It’s a strange thing.

You’ve never said so,

of course,

That you can’t seem to allow even the

Possibility

of me in your heart.

So why is it

Every time we’re together

You leave a mark on my body?

Are you claiming it as yours?

Or are you really just that careless?

Don’t answer that,

love.

I told you I felt unbreakable.

I was wrong.