Hi! So, it’s been a really long time since I posted on this blog. That’s because my personal life has imploded. I am in a lot of pain and felt pretty blocked creatively. I’m ready to come back. Or, if not ready, I’m ready to try.
As always, if you’re having a hard time, please try to keep going. Please reach out and ask for help. It really is worth it. (US) (International)
I’m not gonna sugarcoat things. I am in pain right now. I feel like I’m made of glass and all of you are watching me shatter. These are some of the lowest times of my life. I can barely think. Poetry? Forget it.
I move into my new place this week, hopefully once I feel like I have a home again the words will come back.
Despite how horrible I feel right, how scared, I have no reverted to suicidal thoughts. Yes, I am depressed and spending a lot of time escaping online. But I want to live. I want you to live too.
So if you’re having a hard time right now. If things don’t feel survivable, please try again. It’s worth it. Call for help. (International) (US) Continue reading
It’s hard to believe I’ve been doing these posts for almost three months. Time flies…
So, I’m having a really hard time right now. Spouse and I are separating, I’ll be spending Christmas alone this year. Packing. At least being an atheist means that I’m only missing out on opening presents and eating too much food.
This is going to be a hard week for a lot of you too, I’m sure. Just know that you aren’t alone. Know that there are people out there who can help you. Know that there are people out there (me!) who want you to stay and try again. Call if you need to. International US Continue reading
Things are still really hard for me right now. I think they will be until I’m settled in my new place and can find a new rhythm to my life. In the meantime, I’m holding it together as best I can. And reminding myself that it’s okay to be human.
If you’re having a hard time, if you’re feeling desperate and alone, please know that there’s help out there. Please call someone. Please try again. US International
The mornings this week have been so gloomy. Also, my personal life is in the shitter. The fact that I’m still getting up every day and getting most of the things done that really need doing is a sign of how far I’ve come from the woman who was ready to end her life out of desperation and hopelessness.
I am so very grateful for that final spark of self-love that kept me in the world that day. Yes, things are incredibly hard right now. I still find moments of happiness and hope. I know this is survivable.
If you are having a hard time, please call someone. (International) (US) Please stay in the world with us. Continue reading
In my ordinary life, people know me as a kind, cheerful person. Most of them can see that I love being alive in a way best described as ferocious. This was definitely not always the case, I’ve been on the verge of ending things many times over the years.
The ferocious love I have for my life now is relatively new. It feels potentially fragile, but I’ll keep doing everything in my power to keep it alive. It’s so very worth the effort it takes sometimes.
If you’re feeling desperate, alone, anything, please try again. Please call a suicide hotline and talk to someone. Please give yourself another chance. (International) (US) Continue reading
I’m back from my mini-vacation. I am not well-rested, but it was fun. I have come home to heartbreak though. The days ahead of me hold change, fear, uncertainty, anxiety, as well as joy and freedom (or so I hope).
There was a time when I could not have faced this. There was a time when I would have been desperate to escape these feelings.
If you’re going through a crisis, please know that you don’t have to be alone. If you’re reading this, I love you and I’m rooting for you. Please give yourself another chance. Please call for help. (US) (International)
Now let’s look at some sunrises (including views from my vacation and our first reader-submitted shot!) Continue reading
How was your week last week? Mine was… tumultuous. It was intense, it was lovely, it capped off with my having an anxiety attack and lying on the floor sobbing and trying to sing along with my current anthem.
You know what? I wouldn’t give up any of that. Not a minute of it. I almost didn’t make it here, I very nearly took my own life so many times over the years, but I’m still here. It’s been almost three(?) years since my last attempt.
If you’re thinking of giving up, please know that I have been there. That I have nothing but love for you, that I want you to try again more than anything in the world. Please, please try again. I’m here. My readers are here. Help is here: (International) (US) Continue reading
It’s a beautiful sunny day today (it’s also cold as balls, which I am less grateful for), and it’s time for my weekly celebration of, well, surviving. No, not just surviving, thriving. I’m here to present you with living proof that it’s worth going. I’m asking you, if you feel like ending your life to call a hotline (US) (International). I’m asking you to try again.
For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind. –Hosea 8:7
Over the last 6 months or so I’ve been distancing myself from my dysfunctional parents; visiting less, calling less, and generally letting them take up less space in my life. Continue reading