Every Sunrise Week 9

The mornings this week have been so gloomy. Also, my personal life is in the shitter. The fact that I’m still getting up every day and getting most of the things done that really need doing is a sign of how far I’ve come from the woman who was ready to end her life out of desperation and hopelessness.

I am so very grateful for that final spark of self-love that kept me in the world that day. Yes, things are incredibly hard right now. I still find moments of happiness and hope. I know this is survivable.

If you are having a hard time, please call someone. (International) (US) Please stay in the world with us. Continue reading “Every Sunrise Week 9”

ESM Week 3

It’s a brand new week, so you know what that means. And Every Sunrise Matters post! It was a really challenging week for me last week; I had an accident which has impacted my mobility. I don’t thrive when I can’t exercise. Oh well. I’ve definitely had bigger problems than this, and hopefully I’ll heal quickly.

If you’re going through a hard time, please call for help. (US) (International) Stay and watch another sunrise with us. Please. Continue reading “ESM Week 3”

Every Sunrise Week 2

Most of the sunrises weren’t very visually impressive this week. At least, not for those of us inland. That’s really not the point though. Whether the sky is on fire, or just quietly getting lighter, every new sunrise is a victory.

If you’ve had a rough week, month, year, life, you’re not alone. If you’re having thoughts of ending it all, you’re not alone. Call the number (US) (International), and please stay with us. Continue reading “Every Sunrise Week 2”

Every Sunrise Matters

I’ve written before about my struggles with depression and suicidal ideations. It’s once of the reasons I’m rather obsessed with photographing the sunrise. I don’t manage it every day, but I try to do it as often as possible.

I thought it would be nice to collect and post those pictures on here once a week, along with a link to international suicide hotlines. If these posts inspire just one person to call, I can think of no higher purpose for my life. Continue reading “Every Sunrise Matters”

and We can Dance and be Free

My poetry is mostly about the dark side of my PTSD; it’s been incredibly healing so far to put some of that darkness into words and then let it go.

Out in the physical world, most people who meet me have no idea that I have any of the issues I am so brutally honest about on here. I present as friendly, positive, even sunny. I am all of those things, in fact, I am mostly those things.

My mental health struggles no longer sap all the joy and color from my world. I am about as free as a person with my background and scars can be, I’d say.

On a recent trip to Northerly Island, I was absolutely mesmerized by the Daphne Garden.* Those beautiful statues filled me with a sense of freedom and joy. Knowing the background about them now, it makes sense. My darkest parts make my light shine even brighter.

the wound is the place where the Light enters you- Rumi


This first statue reminds me of the Earth element, she is grounded and strong.

I don’t have much to say about the second statue; she’s beautiful, but she didn’t elicit much feeling from me individually.

dancer_3

The final statue brings to mind Air; more than dancing, she is almost flying.

 

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They are the most powerful when seen all together. Three metal women, dancing freely and proudly in the sunlight.

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*I need to stay in Chicago for another year, so I’m trying to have as many adventures as possible to scratch that adventure itch. And to make that year go by faster.

 

There’s a Full Moon Rising

Moonrise_featured

Another addition of full moon pics. These are from the full moon and blue moon rises over Lake Michigan last month. (Again, how lucky was I to have that view?)

I’m still learning how to use all the different functions on my camera, so these photos were edited after the fact.

This was early in the evening on 7/30/15. The water quality was really amazing.
This was early in the evening on 7/30/15. The water quality was really amazing.
This is a little later in the evening, but before the moon was bright enough to leave the reflections in my last post.
This is a little later in the evening, but before the moon was bright enough to leave the reflections in my last post.

The next three shots are from the blue moon on 7/31. I skipped dinner to make it to the lake in time to catch the entire moonrise, which ended up being something of a mistake. Shaky hands don’t make for awesome photographs. It was worth it though.

The colors were really amazing that night.
The colors were really amazing that night.
I was still completely entranced by the moment here. I think most everyone was by this point.
I was still completely entranced by the moment here. I think most everyone was by this point.

Between these two photos is when I started to shake badly enough that I gave up and went in search of food. Once I was off the pier and partway down the beach I turned around for one more look…

No regrets
No regrets

 

This blog has already been such a great experience, thank you everyone for the support so far!

 

Moonlight on Water

I’m a formerly invisible woman who plans ahead. As such, I decided that the last blue moon until 2018 was a perfect time to test out the new camera I don’t really know how to use.

I ended up with lots of shots I wanted to share, some of them here and some on flickr. I picked my favorites of the full moon reflecting on Lake Michigan for this post. (I feel so lucky to have been in Chicago for this!)

The earliest shot. There were so many people out sailing!
The earliest shot. There were so many people out sailing!

 

It was an absolutely beautiful, clear night
It was an absolutely beautiful, clear night
Hey look, the featured image!
Hey look, the featured image!
It was just incredible to watch this moonrise.
It was just incredible to watch this moonrise.

Eulogy for a Summer Sunset

The story behind this poem is pretty much exactly what you would think.When I lived on the prairie, beautiful sunsets were practically de rigueur. In my current location, they tend to be much more rare. There was a spectacular sunset earlier this summer, and I was really bummed not to have my camera ready for it. I guess I decided the best way to deal with that disappointment was to write this. The image I used is of a different, less awesome, sunset that I manipulated and enhanced to get a better image for the one I missed.

Sunset_enhanced

Eulogy for a Summer Sunset

Photographs are about capturing moments.

Preserving them for eternity,

or at least one more moment.

What I feel, looking at this beautiful sunset,

I want to return to this feeling again and again.

Put it on and take it off, like my favorite sweater.

If I had my camera I could capture this moment for posterity.

If I had my camera…

This sunset, this feeling,

has already faded away.

Never to return.